Kelly Kills Himself Apparently

Death, like life, is for sale. Coward convict Christopher Kelly looked at his days gambling and dancing feloniously with Rod Blagovich and self-euthanized.

Kelly, a roofing contractor from Chicago's southern suburbs, had already pleaded guilty to $1.3 million in tax fraud and swindling two airlines in connection with $8.5 million in contracts for work on their hangars at O'Hare International Airport. He had been sentenced to three years on the tax charge and had signed a plea agreement under which he was to be sentenced to five years in the O'Hare contracts case. Those were to be served consecutively. source: Washington Post

A loser pretending to have class, all he ended up doing is showing himself to be a quitter. One more corrupt thug sells his soul, and dies realizing he never had one.

No one ever respects a corrupt official, especially in Democratic stronghold Illinois where corruption is a way of life. No one respects a suicide monkey either.

Republicans have Betty Loren-Maltese back in the news, though. She's the former mayor of Cicero, Illinois. More corruption. She needs a job, so if your toilet is dirty, look her up.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/14/AR2009091403309.html

Rod Blagojevich Invokes Elvis' Ghost

Sometimes, there's nothing that can be added to make something funnier.

Illinois, as most know, is the land of corrupt politicians. Most recently, they put a president in the White House. Barack Obama has yet to be indicted for any crimes, but mostly, in Illinois, it never happens anyway. Republicans are feeding the jail population as much as Democrats, so no one is left of out of the fame of shame.

Rod Blagojevich initates a bad Elvis impersonator.



In case you prefer the Elvis Presley version of "Treat Me Nice"

Senate Seat Back on Market

Senate Seat Back on Market
Underused, yet worn from much sitting. Present owner named cannot handle continued use. May require repair and thorough cleaning. Scandal-stink discovered and will be leeched out. Prefer to sell to part of the Chicago Machine. Experience not necessary. Will trade for favors and a draft pick yet to be named. Attorney Generals not welcome.

Senator Roland Burris to Retire, Won't Seek a Full Term

Maybe they'll use:
OdoBan - 128oz jug & 24oz bottle

Blago Guest Stars in 'Rod Blagojevich Superstar'

Usually this space exaggerates just a little. Not this time.

Blago Guest Stars in 'Rod Blagojevich Superstar'
Ousted Gov. Rod Blagojevich appears as himself in a comedy show that lampoons the rise and fall of his own political career.

CHICAGO - Ousted Gov. Rod Blagojevich doesn't seem to mind being the butt of a theatrical joke.

Blagojevich got in on the joke Saturday evening, appearing as himself in a comedy show that lampoons the rise and fall of his own political career.

He opened The Second City's "Rod Blagojevich Superstar," a parody of the rock opera "Jesus Christ Superstar," standing on a chair with his arms raised as if he were being crucified.

The show -- which portrays Blagojevich as greedy, tactless and hair-obsessed -- opened in February and was supposed to end June 14. But production officials extended it to Aug. 9 due to constant sold-out performances.

Limerick for a Couple of Crooks

Limerick for a Couple of Crooks

There once was a crook from Chitown.
Would sell his mother on downtown
So when it came to his seat,
he'd thought money he'd greet.
Instead he got caught in a shakedown.

Barack Obama to Roland Burris: One Soul Was Not Enough

Barack Obama, disappointed the value of his Illinois Senate Seat only drew a paltry $S.ss (one soul, in US dollars, with no change), he has asked Roland Burris to return it.

The trouble, the value has further dropped, and the buyer will need to toss in manhood as well to confirm the purchase. Immediately, this brought to mind Hillary Clinton. She is an expert carpetbagger, but already has take a position, thanks to Kelly Temporary Services' secretary division. There was some confusion in the matter, as she is Secretary of State. Jesse White thought she wanted his job, and offered her a driver's licence to lay off. Husband Bill Clinton reminded him he was unsuccessful with the same thing.

Meanwhile, Mr. Burris continues his "I'm not listening" tour, which involves press avoidance, lies, malarkey and Oprah watching. Burris has declared he has no intention of returning the seat.

Not unexpectedly, MSNBC is delighted to report that Illinois Democrats still believe he might be innocent. They said that about Rod Blagovich too, and so all results are favorable. Their circle will not go unbroken.

Democrats Give Burris the Benefit of the Doubt

Peoria democrat Dave Koehler says before accussing Senator Roland Burris of any wrong doing an investigation should be done.

Eric Clapton : Before You Accuse Me - Live London 2008

Pat Quinn Claims the Pillage, Sleepage and the Dopage in Illinois

The spoils of Illinois' governor war are going to Pat Quinn. A Democrat claiming to be anti-machine, his political Ludditism will be put the the test immediately in a state known more for its machine than its integrity.

Though a Roman Catholic by faith, no one expects his religion to make a difference in his leadership; he is divorced, a Democrat and a lawyer. Faith has not impacted his public life this far. Abortion laws are not expected to change accordingly.

The headaches he inherits will produce the need for much pillage, as well as sleepage.

Former Governor Rod Blagovich recommends the following products that helped him sleep well, starting with House and Philosophy: Everybody Lies (The Blackwell Philosophy and Pop Culture Series). "What Quinn needs to do is think about his health. I run every morning, and found only the fittest reporters could catch me. Be on the lookout for wiretaps."

... ... ... ... ... ...

Sold - Barack Obama's Senate Seat (Recently Off the Market)

Sold - Barack Obama's Senate Seat (Recently Off the Market)
Democrats, finding themselves more negotiable, have purchased the Barack Obama seat. First put on the market by sometime governor and Senate real estate agent Rod Blagovich, it was quickly taken off when Democrats realized Blagovich was not asking enough.

The price was not disclosed, but it is rumored they gave it away in trade for votes to be named later, and possibly a key to executive bathroom, as many became sick during the transaction.

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http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/senate_burris