Illinois: The State Money Couldn't Buy

Shakedown:
Exposing the Real Jesse Jackson

With a title like that to a blog post, you might thing I am implying Illinois is an ethical state. Naturally, it is known that it is ethical, though which system it plays by is not clear.

With the Madigan Dynasty beginning, the Daley Dynasty ending, the string of corrupt or screwed up governors, a sitting United States president who barely worked in the Senate before campaigning full-time, a former Chief of Staff who quit midway into the admistration to begin his own non-corrupt mayoral bid, Reverend Jesse Jackson and Son and their mistresses, and a essentially bankrupt state --

Wait? Did I imply a state with bad ethics?

No, we, the City of Big Shoulders, want to lead the State of Illinois to look more like Detroit, MI or New York, NY with a dash of New Orleans, LA.

We Are Corrupt (Not Barack Obama, But Everyone Else)

We are corrupt. No one believes Barack Obama is tainted with Chicago corruption, naturally, having only served briefly before his White House campaign began, but most everyone realizes we bribe, lie, steal to get things done. It isn't just the unions, priests, corporations, and paperboys who are suspect. Everyone. Blago is just the voice of a corrupt generation. Dare we call him guilty? Well, yeah, if that's the verdict.

Good thing is not "the Giannoulias seat." And definitely not Hillary's seat. No one wants to see that.


See What's in a name? Would 'the Obama seat' by any other name still have a smell to it (Chicago Triibune)
Brokers, Bagmen, and Moles: Fraud and Corruption in the Chicago Futures Markets

Rod Blagojevich is from Democraticus Corruptus, Fourth Moon of Pluto

The Chicago Tribune's article gets part of it right. Blagojevich brothers' relationship under scrutiny: Attorney for Robert Blagojevich says his client just wanted to be closer to brother.

Missing from their article is why.

Rod and Robert Blagojevich lived happily on Democraticus Corruptus, the fourth moon of Pluto, the body of land formerly known as a planet. Rod, ever the wise brother, saw his planet soon being recalled by the Astro Naming Committee. Something about brake pedals not working, and concerns whether or not Armando Galarraga's game was properly named 'perfect'. (Baseball was very popular in the DC).

Noting the trouble Toyota had recently been in, Rod left for Earth and assumed a human physical body. However, limited into his access of information, thanks to the many light years difference in distance, all Rod saw were images dating back to the 1950s. Elvis Presely was the most famous, the most popular human, and was singing "I'm All Shook Up." Rod thought this Elvis guy was the quintessential human. Hence, the hair.

Meanwhile, poor Robert was lonely back on their home moon. The Democraticus Corruptus leadership, a brotherhood (even the women were referred to as brothers there, being a genderless society), only worked with relatives. Rod was gone, leaving Robert brotherless, and as they say in his world, "Screwed since you ain't a Daley."

Robert, seeing that Rod had left for the world of  "All Shook Up," decided too to come down. The warrring party against Democraticus Corruptus, the usually impotent Republicus Pieceacrappus, calls this a "the Blagojevichian Shakedown." People on Earth would pay the Blago Brothers money to stop. Even their messiah, the Barack Obama, left the state, unwilling to hear their tune.

Elvis Presley


John Travolta (Elvis Presley) - All shook up



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Rod Blagojevich Invokes Elvis' Ghost

Sometimes, there's nothing that can be added to make something funnier.

Illinois, as most know, is the land of corrupt politicians. Most recently, they put a president in the White House. Barack Obama has yet to be indicted for any crimes, but mostly, in Illinois, it never happens anyway. Republicans are feeding the jail population as much as Democrats, so no one is left of out of the fame of shame.

Rod Blagojevich initates a bad Elvis impersonator.



In case you prefer the Elvis Presley version of "Treat Me Nice"

Senate Seat Back on Market

Senate Seat Back on Market
Underused, yet worn from much sitting. Present owner named cannot handle continued use. May require repair and thorough cleaning. Scandal-stink discovered and will be leeched out. Prefer to sell to part of the Chicago Machine. Experience not necessary. Will trade for favors and a draft pick yet to be named. Attorney Generals not welcome.

Senator Roland Burris to Retire, Won't Seek a Full Term

Maybe they'll use:
OdoBan - 128oz jug & 24oz bottle

Barack Obama to Roland Burris: One Soul Was Not Enough

Barack Obama, disappointed the value of his Illinois Senate Seat only drew a paltry $S.ss (one soul, in US dollars, with no change), he has asked Roland Burris to return it.

The trouble, the value has further dropped, and the buyer will need to toss in manhood as well to confirm the purchase. Immediately, this brought to mind Hillary Clinton. She is an expert carpetbagger, but already has take a position, thanks to Kelly Temporary Services' secretary division. There was some confusion in the matter, as she is Secretary of State. Jesse White thought she wanted his job, and offered her a driver's licence to lay off. Husband Bill Clinton reminded him he was unsuccessful with the same thing.

Meanwhile, Mr. Burris continues his "I'm not listening" tour, which involves press avoidance, lies, malarkey and Oprah watching. Burris has declared he has no intention of returning the seat.

Not unexpectedly, MSNBC is delighted to report that Illinois Democrats still believe he might be innocent. They said that about Rod Blagovich too, and so all results are favorable. Their circle will not go unbroken.

Democrats Give Burris the Benefit of the Doubt

Peoria democrat Dave Koehler says before accussing Senator Roland Burris of any wrong doing an investigation should be done.

Eric Clapton : Before You Accuse Me - Live London 2008

Sold - Barack Obama's Senate Seat (Recently Off the Market)

Sold - Barack Obama's Senate Seat (Recently Off the Market)
Democrats, finding themselves more negotiable, have purchased the Barack Obama seat. First put on the market by sometime governor and Senate real estate agent Rod Blagovich, it was quickly taken off when Democrats realized Blagovich was not asking enough.

The price was not disclosed, but it is rumored they gave it away in trade for votes to be named later, and possibly a key to executive bathroom, as many became sick during the transaction.

Not Found Here
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/senate_burris

For Sale: Barack Obama's Senate Seat (IL)

For Sale: Barack Obama's Senate Seat (IL)
Rarely used. Decent condition. Slight smell of tobacco.
Historic (president elect once sat there).
Stained.

Call Illinois Governor Ron Blagojevich
c/o Office of Governor Ron Blagojevich
207 State House
Springfield, IL 62706
Phone: 217-782-0244 or 312-814-2121