Friday, January 30, 2009

Pat Quinn Claims the Pillage, Sleepage and the Dopage in Illinois

The spoils of Illinois' governor war are going to Pat Quinn. A Democrat claiming to be anti-machine, his political Ludditism will be put the the test immediately in a state known more for its machine than its integrity.

Though a Roman Catholic by faith, no one expects his religion to make a difference in his leadership; he is divorced, a Democrat and a lawyer. Faith has not impacted his public life this far. Abortion laws are not expected to change accordingly.

The headaches he inherits will produce the need for much pillage, as well as sleepage.

Former Governor Rod Blagovich recommends the following products that helped him sleep well, starting with House and Philosophy: Everybody Lies (The Blackwell Philosophy and Pop Culture Series). "What Quinn needs to do is think about his health. I run every morning, and found only the fittest reporters could catch me. Be on the lookout for wiretaps."

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Monday, January 12, 2009

Sold - Barack Obama's Senate Seat (Recently Off the Market)

Sold - Barack Obama's Senate Seat (Recently Off the Market)
Democrats, finding themselves more negotiable, have purchased the Barack Obama seat. First put on the market by sometime governor and Senate real estate agent Rod Blagovich, it was quickly taken off when Democrats realized Blagovich was not asking enough.

The price was not disclosed, but it is rumored they gave it away in trade for votes to be named later, and possibly a key to executive bathroom, as many became sick during the transaction.

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