Need Temporary Senate Seat Holder: Yes Man Wanted
For Limited Time Only: Senate seat. Will pay minimum wage while full-time replacement can be found. Must be Democrat, Illinois resident, willing to have asterisk next to name throughout career. No real power or responsibility, but will have good parking spot in otherwise insignificant parking lot. Boss will likely changed at least once. Skills needed: ability to smile, carry documents with confidence and capacity to duck reporters whenever you hear those two fateful words "Rod Blagojevich." Be able to type 50 words a minute.
Please send resumes and names of relatives presently in Chicago politics:
Lt. Governor Pat Quinn
214 State House
Springfield, IL 62706