Sale Pending: Illinois Senate Seat - Roland Burris Expected to Stand, or Sit on Dirty Floor

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is expected to give Barack Obama's vacated Senate seat to former state attorney general Roland Burris. With the present economy, and Illinois gambling revenue's down, the price appears to be free.

Mr. Burris is not expected to actually get the seat. All 50 sitting Democratic senators signed a letter by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada warned Blagojevich after his Dec. 9 arrest that Senate Democrats would not seat anyone the governor named to the seat.

They, instead, will make Burris stand, or sit on the floor. Burris was warned that the floor is dirty. Mops, he was reminded, were all used up during George Ryan's era, and are either broken or stained red.

Good wooden chairs are being used, said Reid, to print money in a recycling/laundry effort. Green initiatives are import to Democrats, so they are printing as much green as possible.

Republicans are overjoyed since this makes their time on the couch look good.

Rod Blagojevich Gets New Illinois License Plate

No doubt anticipating his next move, Rod Blagojevich applies for, and gets his Illinois license plate. He slipped former Governor George Ryan a few bucks to make it happen.

Need Temporary Senate Seat Holder: Yes Man Wanted

Need Temporary Senate Seat Holder: Yes Man Wanted
For Limited Time Only: Senate seat. Will pay minimum wage while full-time replacement can be found. Must be Democrat, Illinois resident, willing to have asterisk next to name throughout career. No real power or responsibility, but will have good parking spot in otherwise insignificant parking lot. Boss will likely changed at least once. Skills needed: ability to smile, carry documents with confidence and capacity to duck reporters whenever you hear those two fateful words "Rod Blagojevich." Be able to type 50 words a minute.

Please send resumes and names of relatives presently in Chicago politics:
Lt. Governor Pat Quinn
State Capitol
214 State House
Springfield, IL 62706
Phone: 217-782-7884
Fax: 217-524-6262

Join Facebook: Senate Seats for Sale: Rod Blagojevich, George Ryan, Hillary Clinton

Lend your support to squash the corruption of George Ryan, Rod Blagojevich and the astounding divisive politics elsewhere.

Join on Facebook: Senate Seats for Sale: Rod Blagojevich, George Ryan, Hillary Clinton

Lost: Special 1992 Edition 'The Year of Women' Senate Seat.

Found posted on a telephone post next to Fast Louie's Pawn Shop:

Lost: Special 1992 Edition 'The Year of Women' Senate Seat Seat rumored to be cursed, as all parties to sit in it find their rear burnt. Used to vote against legendary 'Defense of Marriage Act,' then subsequently divorce. May include signed playing cards of veteran Nigerian dictator Sani Abacha. Former owner now hawks coffee, tea and spice.

If found, please return to

Carol Moseley Braun
c/o
Ambassador Organics™
1634 E. 53rd St.
2nd Floor
Chicago, IL 60615
773-288-3700

Late Night Blagojevich Roundup - Video of Leno, Letterman, Kimmel

Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel and Dave Letterman on the Illinois Governor s arrest.



Rod Blagojevich Jay Leno Jimmy Kimmel David Letterman Barack Obama arrest Senate seat e-bay

Wanted: One Senate Seat: Will Trade for Soul

Wanted: One Senate Seat: Will Trade for Soul
Any state, any party. Whatever the polls say to vote for is fine. Prefer virgin states not accustomed to corruption, but will negotiate for best offer if no such state can be found. Skilled at public speaking and personality morphing.

Will purchase for soul, unused, still in wrapper.

To extend offer, please write to

Current Resident
c/o
Screen Actors Guild
Hollywood - National Headquarters
5757 Wilshire Blvd., 7th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90036-3600
(323) 954-1600 Main Switchboard
saginfo@sag.org

Sale Ended: Governor George Ryan's Going Out of Business Sale

Sale Ended: Governor George Ryan's Going Out of Business Sale
Big Illinois sale. Everything must go. Rackets (tennis and otherwise), government licenses, truck driving licenses and much more. Ethics tossed in as free bonus, though resale value is minimal (not listed in Blago's Blue Book).

Need refund? Contact Federal Inmate Number 16627-424, Federal Correctional Complex, Terre Haute, IN, or the present majority owner.

Reduced Price: Joe Biden's Senate Seat

Reduced Price: Joe Biden's Senate Seat
No loan needed here. DNC issued coupons accepted on Tuesdays (double on Super Tuesdays). Own the seat of a preachy Senate talker. Stuffed with used subway tickets and a dogeared copy of "How to Insult Your Friend and Your Enemy Alike." Though Catholic by Vatican standards, Biden will include Mapquest directions to the Planned Parenthood fundraising offices at no extra charge.

Washington D.C.
201 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
tel: (202) 224-5042
fax: (202) 224-0139

Bill Clinton Denies the Monica Lewinsky Affair

Bill Clinton denies the Monica Lewinsky affair. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

Richard Nixon: I Am Not a Crook on Video

"People have got to know whether or not their president's a crook. Well, I'm not a crook." - Richard Nixon: I Am Not a Crook on video

Newly Listed: Hillary Clinton's Seat (NY)

Fresh on the Market
Senate seat most recently owned by Hillary Clinton. Covered in carpeting, formerly used to produce bags. Her husband Bill has indicated no interest in her seat. Requires no maintenance, except for occasional votes and photo ops. Suitable for nannies, heiresses, need not be a resident of New York.

Washington, D.C.
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton
United States Senate
476 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Phone: (202) 224-4451
General Fax: (202) 228-0282
Scheduling Req Fax: (202) 228-0121
TTY/TDD: (202) 224-6821

For Sale: Barack Obama's Senate Seat (IL)

For Sale: Barack Obama's Senate Seat (IL)
Rarely used. Decent condition. Slight smell of tobacco.
Historic (president elect once sat there).
Stained.

Call Illinois Governor Ron Blagojevich
c/o Office of Governor Ron Blagojevich
207 State House
Springfield, IL 62706
Phone: 217-782-0244 or 312-814-2121